maybe, if you meet the dsm v criteria. autisticgarbage.tumblr….
Interesting. I haven’t actually read the updated DSM-V criteria. I have been going off of my knowledge of the DSM-IV, which is pretty different.
Criteria A: The social stuff is the side I have always been unsure of. I was kind of clueless in social situations when I was younger, but I always assumed that every child just has to “learn the ropes” of social cues and gatherings, etc. and I wasn’t that unusual. I had a tendency to ignore rules I didn’t understand, and still have trouble with this. I had a difficult time making friends (and still do), but I usually always had at least one or two very close friends. I have a tendency to take things literally, but am better at picking up on things like sarcasm as an adult. But I don’t think I’m terrible at reading facial expressions and putting myself in other people’s shoes… So yeah.
Criteria B: This one is a bit easier. I have always (as far back as I can remember) had a tendency to repetitively clench my hands and curl my toes and press my finger and thumb together. I don’t have a strict adherence to routines, but have a really difficult time switching tasks and hate being interrupted when I’m doing something. I have always had highly restricted and fixated interests. I can tell the story of my life by what my obsession was at the time. I have also always had sensory-input issues. Some noises literally pain me. I have gotten better with fabric issues, but I hated dressing up as a kid because it meant wearing itchy fabrics, and I was pissed when I had to start wearing bras because I didn’t like the way they felt. Even today I don’t wear something unless I am comfortable in it. I don’t get the “beauty is pain” idea. I think it’s dumb. I get exhausted when I am overstimulated and have to retreat to a quiet place.
Criteria C: They made have taken different shapes over the years, but these things have always been an issue.
Criteria D: Yes, yes and yes.
Criteria E: Maybe they can be explained by my ADHD and general anxiety/depression issues. That’s what I would have to ask a doctor about.
Sorry to followers who care less about this stuff, but I’m not that sorry. :P
Tomorrow is the day…
I took this adult Autism Spectrum Disorder quiz and even when I answered as conservatively as I could while still being truthful, I scored a 21. This quiz is supposed to be good at distinguishing ASD and ADHD in adults, which is especially of interest to me since I have already been diagnosed with ADHD.
I don’t even know anymore.
Is it worth bringing up to my psychiatrist?
i haven’t gone through my poetry books in years, but:
kahlil gibran (joy and sorrow, chapter viii being the most impt):
Then a woman said, “Speak to us of Joy and Sorrow.”
And he answered:
Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.
And how else can it be?
he has this gorgeous way of entwining all these existential questions together and just ;a; i feel like it would resonate strongly with cas’ struggle between angelhood vs. humanity.
pablo neruda, for sure, (don’t go far off being the most impt):
Don’t go far off, not even for a day, because —
because — I don’t know how to say it: a day is long
and I will be waiting for you, as in an empty station
when the trains are parked off somewhere else, asleep.
it’s meant to be a poem about lovers, but i’ve always translated it as the relationship between cas and god. like cas can’t help himself, he keeps wishing and hoping for his father to come back and acknowledge him ;___: he’ll keep waiting forever. neruda captures isolation and longing better than anyone else.
and, of course, rabindranath tagore (benediction being the most impt):
Bless this little heart, this white soul that has won the kiss of
heaven for our earth.
He loves the light of the sun, he loves the sight of his
He has not learned to despise the dust, and to hanker after
gold. Clasp him to your heart and bless him.
heh, the subtext is quite clear so i don’t have to go into it, but tagore is AMAZING for observing the divinity in human beings and the humanity in divine beings. there’s also a few nationalistic poems of his (about india) that remind me of heaven/angels, and the pride that cas takes from that.
beyond that, anna’s ‘ravenclaw tower poetry club' tag is chock full of goodies re: cas (and also deancas).
It’s simple. Freedom is a length of rope. God wants you to hang yourself with it.
favorite character meme:
↳ [1/3] emotions | castiel + despair
finishing a series but still being attached to the story and its characters
Here’s a list of good ones that I’ve read so far:
Home is Where by chasingrabbits - NC-17 - 15k - AU!canondivergent: Dean decides to visit Sam in Palo Alto and meets Sam’s strange roommate. There’s some mild gay freak out on Dean’s part, but it is not the central part of the fic.
Show Me How to Love by universalromance T (preslash) - 65k WIP AU!high school: There are so many things I love about this fic. The author has a great understanding of ASD and develops Dean and Cas’ friendship-turned-romance perfectly. I also love the way Michael and Lucifer are characterized. The only problem is that it is a WIP with irregular updates. :(
Of Shampoo and Fruit Flies by almaasi M - 17k - AU!roommates: I originally found this fic looking for asexual!Cas fics. I was a bit grossed out by the fruit flies (I’m a wimp whatever), but this fic is seriously awesome SO WELL WRITTEN and everyone should read it.
And that’s it, unless I’m forgetting some. The Joy Is In The Process by rhymephile is next on my list, but haven’t read it yet. It appears to be a kid!fic, actually taking place in the 90s, which is fantastic for me bc I get to play the nostalgia game. :) Edit: Turns out I actually have read this, long time ago. Rereading it reminds me of how much it has affected my headcanons of Cas’ personality and the dynamic of TFW. The story never explicitly says that Cas is on the spectrum, but it is evident. This story is heartbreaking and beautiful. Go read it!
Have any more suggestions?
The fact that this has over fifty notes tells me that there is a desperate need for more autistic!castiel fics. I know it’s probably an AU that not everyone would feel comfortable writing (especially if you have no immediate knowledge of ASD), but I am begging my writer friends. If you’ve been thinking about writing an autistic!cas story just take the leap. If you need a meta that has some experience/knowledge of it, I would be happy to read it for you (as I am sure many others would as well).